today was harder than i thought it was going to be. i finally stopped crying but no promises that its going to stay that way. I think talking to you about it gave me a little closure but its still going to be hard. i know we can get through this. i know you want to change and be different and im glad that im your motivation. i believe that you can do this. we CAN and WILL get through this together. i promise you i wont give up on you.

Tonights going to be the hardest, not talking to you before bed… not hearing you say you love me and goodnight. i miss those words the most. i know its stupid but i keep calling your phone thinking maybe it wont go straight to voicemail and ill be able to talk to you for a little but i call anyways just to hear your voice say your name on your voicemail. i must have called you over ten time today. this all just doesnt seem real to me. it seems like a bad dream. i never saw it coming which scares me beyond belief because if you lied about this what else have you lied to me about. i know i should stop thinking negative and start thinking positive but its hard. this is one of the hardest things i think ill ever have to go through. i know as the days go by its only going to get harder for the both of us but i know we can make it. ill admit at first i was so pissed off and mad at you that i didnt want to be with you anymore, i couldnt handle it. i didnt want anything to do with you but as i laid in my bed thinking, hour after hour, i knew that i couldnt give up on you when you need me the most because you wouldnt give up on me if we switched places. I really do love you, more than you know and im sure this proves it. i just want everything to be good again. i want you to be healthy and with me but its going to take time and a lot of thinking and planning but im willing to do it, as long as you do your best to help yourself.